As I lay here tossing and turning
A storm brews outside my window.
Like the storm brewing in my heart,
Wondering those "what if"s ".
Those emotions,  those feelings,
Why does God see fit to give these?
Why do people hurt one another?
Why is it when someone is hurting
another doesn't stop to 
say,  " what if"  that was me?
I have seen those evil "what if"s"
in my dreams and my thoughts.
I have wondered many  times 
what reason am I here for.
What all mighty reason has God
seen fit to keep me here.
Only God knows these reasons.
Only God knows why we say
and do the things we do.
As I lay here watching the storm,
Wondering what is to become of tomorrow.
   Sleep calls me, but I know no reason to sleep.   
As I also see no reason to awake.
Fear fills my thoughts when I dream,
Fear of guilt, for what I've said and done.
At this moment sleep is my pain.
For those dreams are filled with 
the pain I have caused.
Dreams that once was filled with joy
Are now Dreams filled with sadness,
An emptiness deep inside.
I look upon myself as an evil wicked man,
One who cannot be known, 
for fear of being rejected.
A coward, full of insecurities,
These are the thoughts that run 
wildly throughout my Dreams,
As I toss and turn.

~Gary~