To See Me, Poetry of The Heart on Vision


For so long...looking into the mirror 
I saw only a reflection of an image,
a stranger looking back at me.

When looking into my eyes,
I saw only an emptiness, a void.

Beneath those eyes were many fears,
fears of pain,
fears of sorrow,
feelings of no hope.

How could I not know this face before me,
as I stood looking at the image in the mirror?

Where was this person that I used to be,
why couldn't I see?

Turning again looking into the mirror,
I saw my life,
one that had gone out 
like a candle being extinguished.

All my pride,
my joy,
my hopes,
my desires,
my passion,
all was gone.

What reflected back from that mirror
was a stranger looking back at me.

Standing there feeling so alone,
 lost and  confused,
 the fear set in, where was this person
I called ME?

Walking away from that image,
never wanting to look again,
my life continued on.

Over time I found myself looking in
that mirror again.
Yet this time when I looked,
what reflected back to me
was a face, my face,
my eyes filled with hope,
a burning love,
a pride of being me,
a passion for living.
No longer a darkness did I see,
for out of my eyes a light was shining,
a reflection of ME!

For you see
I was no longer a stranger
to Me!

Yet there still is that pain deep within,
that pain has taken on
a new meaning in my life.

Through the tears
countless hours of feeling alone,
those hours I screamed out and no one heard
slowly through that pain and confusion
emerged the real me.

It took all those disappointments and life hurts
to make me stop
and look at the real Me!!

No longer am I just an image in a mirror
I am a reflection of my life,
those hurts,
those joys,
that hope,
that burning passion,
that endless love.

I see now the true image
the image of Me!

~Deb Montgomery~

Published in "On Top Of The Mountain"


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This Page Is Dedicated To Those Who Suffer Depression!

"People who don't know, who say it's self-indulgence, sound callous, but it's not callousness born of indifference; I think it's callousness born of ignorance. That kind of ignorance we've got to get rid of, and little by little I suppose, we will. You say to them, 'It's a pity you don't know. I'm sure that if you knew, not only wouldn't you say that, you'd try to help in one way or another."

 - Mike Wallace, On the Edge of Darkness

Depression is an illness that effects the entire body, its a illness. It affects all ages, all races, all economic groups and both genders. Women, however, suffer from depression almost twice as much as men do.

I know, for I have suffered with depression, thus the poem above I wrote, a year after beginning to recover from this horrible illness.  I didn't even realize what I was gong through, I just know I became a totally different person,  I  was numb to all feelings, for myself and for those I loved and treasured. Due to the fact, I didn't allow myself to see I needed help, it cost me my family and friends. My whole thought process was totally  irrational. After isolating myself from all those I knew, and everything familiar to me, it took coming to hitting the wall  of wanting to die, that I begin to realize I was sick.  I had hidden behind a computer monitor, not having to see faces or allowing anyone to see me. Oh what a perfect way to hide, until one night I just couldn't go on any longer. I had decided I would take my own life.  During the process  of driving my car at  a speed of 100 miles per hour at a concrete wall....before I hit that wall, I saw my whole life flash before me. I saw my family, whom I had felt I had hurt long enough, hurting even more. I saw friends, torn and feeling guilty on not seeing this illness in me.  I still say, that night, God allowed me to feel each and everyone of those in my life, hearts and pain, due to what I was going to do. The only thing I remember, afterwards, was sitting on the roadside, not knowing how I had gotten there.

It had taken me well over a year to work through this illness.  It doesn't' happen overnight, trust me on that. I ask if you have happened across this page, and you or someone you know is going through symptoms of depressions.....Please Get Help! The road that this takes you down, the cost is more then anyone should ever have to bare.  It effects everyone in your life  but more importantly it effects YOU! I've been on both sides of the fence and can now appreciate the pain of both the depressed and the people who seek to help the depressed.

Heart of Two On Vision

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